


Digitus Lambendo

by Jaelyn_P_DSea



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, KFC "Colonel Sanders" Commercials
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:09:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28113657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaelyn_P_DSea/pseuds/Jaelyn_P_DSea
Summary: Hogwarts gets a substitute teacher of Herbology. Some will learn just how powerful a specific blend of 11 herbs and spices can be.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	Digitus Lambendo

On a day late into their sixth year, the students settled into their seats awaiting another typical lesson from Ms. Pomona Sprout. At this point, a handful of the young wizards were considered adults and often too cocksure for their own good.

“I do hope she isn’t late today,” an eager Neville Longbottom quietly uttered as he sat down.

“Well, you will be most certainly dis-ah-pointed,” a voice called from the back of the room, “for I will be filling in for the pleasantly punctual and pragmatically precocious professor Pomona Sprout."

The dauntingly tall man with the unmistakable southern drawl sauntered his way to the front of the classroom. He carried a cane, but rarely used it in his natural gait. His suit was as white as his snowy hair. A pitch black western bow tie and equally obsidian, thick-framed glasses contrasted the otherwise austere palette.

He laid the cane across the desk as he stood behind it. His posture stayed rigid and he showed no indication that he would relax at all. 

"If I may," the gentleman began, "my name is Harland, some call me the Colonel, but today-- today you will call me Professor Sanders."

The class remained silent. 

"What a warm welcome." The Colonel sneered. "We're gonna discuss a mix of eleven herbs and spices which will alter anyone's self awareness to become so completely infatuated."

"Like a love potion?" Snickered Draco. 

The Colonel presented a white and red striped bucket out of nowhere. He reached his hand in and pulling it out allowed the spices to fall through his fingers back into the bucket. 

"C'mere, boy." The Colonel demanded.

Draco rolled his eyes and made his way to the front of the class. The Colonel took a handful of his spice blend and blew it into Draco's face causing him to immediately cough and recoil. 

"What the hell is your problem?" Draco shouted. 

The Colonel brushed his hands together, getting the residue of the mixture off his hands so as to not get any on his suit. 

Draco continued to throw a tantrum, "I asked you a question you white-haired freak!"

The Colonel grabbed his cane, staring directly at Draco, locking eyes.

Instantly, Draco was silent. The testosterone-fueled adrenaline that had built up quickly became anxious humility. "I'm sorry. May I go sit down? Or, I could stay here should you wish."

The class audibly gasped.

"That's better," the Colonel declared, "you may return to your seat."

Each student watched as Draco returned to his desk a much different man than they knew him to be. The way he changed was evidence this mixture was powerful. 

"That was simply a taste. It's a perfect defense mechanism to get out of the biggest of pickles. However, if it is ingested, it is even more powerful."

The class continued with Professor Sanders describing in more detail about the application of the spice blend. However, the blend of these spices was secret and could only be purchased. He refused to give the precise amounts so that the mix could not be abused, but of course, more importantly, so that he would get a cut of the profits.

\--

Later that evening, Ginny Weasley, looking to pull a prank on Harry, snuck back into the classroom. She saw the bucket still sitting on the table at the head of the classroom. 

She quickly ran to the table, pulled a cupcake out of her bag and dipped the frosting in the spice mix. Once fully coated, she left the classroom to Harry's room.

Ginny left the cupcake on his desk and hid in the closet. Her plan was for him to take a bite out of the cupcake and then she could reveal herself and become the focus of his infatuation. 

She waited patiently for Harry to return. 

"A sweetie?" Harry asked aloud, "There's a note. It's from Ginny."

Harry picked up the cupcake and was about to take a bite when Ron walked in. 

"Ron, share this with me?" Harry asked.

"Can't turn down a cupcake." Ron responded.

Ginny's plan had been foiled. She watched as Harry and Ron each ate half of the cupcake. 

"Ron, have you cut your hair?" Harry questioned.

"Not recently, Harry." Ron said. "Still, it's not nearly as lovely as yours."

"You're a sweet boy, Ron."

"How sweet do you think?"

"I'd like to find out." Harry whispered as he softly grabbed Ron's arm. 

Ron, startled, but not offended, put his hand on top of Harry's. "Then find out."

Harry swung Ron around and threw him on the bed. A horrified Ginny watched as the boy she had feelings towards began hooking up with her brother. 

"We can't be doing this, Harry." Ron weakly protested.

"Come now, Ron, just let your body say yes." Harry insisted. 

\--

Later, Hermione found herself back in the classroom. 

"Ginny? Ginny!" She called. 

"Miss Granger," a nasally voice called out to her, "what are you doing in a classroom after hours?"

A startled Hermione turned around to see Severus Snape entering the classroom. "Ginny Weasley told me she forgot something here and I can't seem to find her, so I thought to check here."

"Hmm, I believe you." Snape replied, "However, that does not give you permission to sneak around a classroom after hours. Where is Sprout anyway?"

"I don't know, we have a substitute, Professor Sanders." She replied.

"The Colonel?" Scoffed Snape. "He's a well-dressed snake-oil salesman. Hardly the type of person who should be teaching at Hogwarts."

"I do declare, as I live and breathe, Severus Snape." the Colonel called from the office.

"Hello, Harland." Snape reluctantly replied.

"If you would be so kind, might you explain what it is the two of you are doing snoop, snoop, snooping around?"

"Come off it, Harland." Snape sniped. "It would seem a student is missing and may have been coming back to this classroom to retrieve a forgotten item."

"It's been quieter than a church on Monday since the students were dismissed." The Colonel said.

"Are you sure?" Hermione pressed.

"Absolutely pos-uh-tive." He replied.

"As much as I would enjoy to stay and chat, I must tend to more pressing matters. Should Ms. Weasley not turn up this evening, notify me." Snape insisted.

"Adieu, Severus." The Colonel said. He then noticed his bucket was still on the table. "Now I shall retire to my temporary chambers. Good evening to you, Ms. Granger."

The Colonel grabbed the bucket and walked out leaving Hermione by herself in the classroom. She walked around, seeing if she noticed anything out of place or in the area where Ginny had sat. Nothing.

Nearly giving up hope she noticed crumbs on the table where the spice bucket had been. The Colonel was so meticulous about these spices, he wouldn't have spilled any, let alone left them on the counter, he even swept up the few that hit the floor after his Draco demonstration.

Quickly, she turned and ran after the Colonel. 

"Professor Sanders!" She shouted, running down the hall. "Professor Sanders, wait!"

As she approached a few paces behind the slow walking Colonel, he abruptly turned around, bucket in hand. Hermione tried to stop but collided, head-first into the bucket. 

"Heavens!" The Colonel cried out. "Are you okay?"

The eleven herbs and spices covered Hermione's face. She tried brushing it off quickly but couldn't help not licking her lips.

"There were crumbs on the table, I think Ginny--" Then she froze. "This actually tastes quite nice."

"Oh my word. You must retire to your room now, Ms. Granger." The Colonel insisted.

Hermione, now fixated on the Colonel, wiped more of the spice blend off her cheek, dipping her index finger in her mouth and slowly pulling it out, licked clean of spice. "It's not my bedtime yet.” She said.

The Colonel tried once more to send her off, but when he opened his mouth, it was quickly filled with Hermione's other index finger, covered in spice.

"Gad night a livin'. Not again!"

\--

Meanwhile, Ron had started unbuckling Harry's pants as Ginny couldn't help but watch in agony from the crack of the ajar closet door.

"I can't seem to break this spell." Ron confessed. "I want all of you, Harry, maybe I always have."

"Oh, Ron, I'm so happy to hear that, I've felt the same way." Harry replied, now assisting in sliding his trousers off. 

Harry lay back on his bed while Ron knelt between his legs. Ron admired the bulge of Harry's briefs.

"May I have a look at your natural wood wand?" Ron coyishly asked. 

Harry bit his lip, nodding.

"Oh, oh God! No, no, no!" Ginny shouted, kicking open the door.

Ron and Harry screamed in unison and horror.

"I'm about to be sick." Ginny announced as she quickly left the room.

"That was strange." Harry said. "Now where were we?"

\--

Now, in the temporary lodging provided to the Colonel, Hermione had yet to let go of the professor.

"This feels right, doesn't it?" She asked.

"It feels magnificent," he replied, "but I fear you are making decisions not in your sound mind and that I too will suffer the same fate."

"You say words funny." 

"I say them correctly."

Hermione used all of the weight of her small frame to push the professor onto the couch. "There we go."

"Well, I swan, I don't expect that they intended to make me an adjunct professor anytime soon, might as well let this assignment go all cattywampus."

Hermione untied the bowtie and removed the professor's glasses. He grabbed her hips and pulled them close to his. 

"Those herbs are truly remarkable, professor." Hermione whispered to the Colonel as she playfully bit his ear.

The Colonel rolled their intertwined bodies around setting Hermione on the couch. He stared into her eyes as he slid his hand along her thigh, under her skirt. He yanked her panties to the side, exposing her. Like a knife through a raw chicken breast, he ran his finger across her wet pussy.

"Flippin 'ell!" Hermione exclaimed as she arched her back in ecstasy. "Shag me first." She said grabbing him, pressing her lips into his. 

He pulled back a little to say, "people are always askin' if I'm a breast or a thigh man." The Colonel knelt in front of the couch, betwixt Hermione's legs. "Honestly, nothing beats a pair of thighs with a juicy side between'em."

Hermione swung her legs in the air and the colonel swiftly pulled her panties up and off. Spreading her legs wide, she grabbed the back of his white-haired head and pressed it forcibly into her, feeling the tingly ends of his mustache hairs.

He continued to pleasure her until she pushed him away. "Now it's your turn."

Hermione pulled the Colonel on the couch, letting him lay back as she unbuckled his pants. 

"Professor, I thought you didn't have a wand." She joked.

She pulled back his briefs to reveal his erect penis. Her eyes lit up as she viewed his girthy member.

"I have an idea," she announced as she quickly grabbed the bucket of spices. 

She managed to fit him entirely in her mouth, gagging a little as she forced him down her throat. She made sure to get his dick glistening with spit before seasoning it with a handful of spices.

"HOT DAMN!" The Colonel exclaimed in a mix of extreme pleasure and pain.

Hermione resumed sucking him off and ingesting more and more of the hypnotic spice.

"It's time I made your biscuit buttery." The Colonel declared, standing up. He easily lifted her off the ground, positioning her as he pleased on the couch, facing the wall behind it. "Hold on tight," he said as he flipped up her skirt and began taking her from behind. 

As he thrust himself into her over and over, Hermione used one hand to brace herself while she sucked the fingers of the other to get all the spice off that remained.

"Ain't it finger-lickin' good?" The Colonel asked.

"Yes. Yes, it is." Hermione replied between a steady repetition of short breaths and moans. 

He smacked her ass then twirled her around once more allowing himself to fall seated on the couch and her straddling him. 

"I don't know how you fit so much into such a small box." Hermione said. 

"And at such a reasonable price." He replied.

"What?"

"Never you mind, but I do say, all good things must come to an end." The Colonel said as he slowed her gyrations with his hands on her hips.

Hermione frowned then leaned in close, "give me your signature sauce."

"I do declare that a fill-up is in order!" He yelled as Hermione rode him harder, seemingly forcing him deeper and deeper each time.

"Mashed potatoes and green beans!" The Colonel yelled as he came inside his student. 

Hermione, unable to form words, dismounted from the Colonel and sat next to him.

"You've made this Colonel quite crispy."

The two sat, out of breath, naked on the couch

"I could certainly go for a glass of sweet tea." Hermione said.

"Me too," said a timid Filius Flitwick who was gracious enough to share his lodging with the Colonel. "And might I say, bravo to you both."

THE END


End file.
